Adventures in Raffyland

Pirate Raffy Hits the Beach

Ahoy there! Is it safe to surface? I’ve been a-hiding in the fair Caribe on porpoise…It’s a foul wind been blowin’,and Charlie’s not the only Chicken of the Sea! Been a-sportin’ with mermaids,have I.Did ya’ know why they always wear seashells? A-cause B shells are too small,and D shells are too big. Me parrot took off fur parts unknown.I got her in Tahiti,and called her Polly Nesia.She must a got into the Java, and Balai Hai’d it outta here.

What’s that I see on the horizon?Arrrrrrrrrrrrr…….t’aint a hurricane….t’aint Moby……aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr……methinks it’s the fair Ruby headed fur me,and I ain’t a spoutin’ off on this one!

Today, I, Ruby Tuesday, begin me adventure in finding that rascal Raffy, who stole me heart and then left me to seek his fortune and enjoy his adventures. On this voyage, I have me trusty Bopper, aka, BlueJeans Bop, a seaworthy puss once he gets his sea legs-his land legs are purrty clumsy too. Weaving from port to starboard, but at least he has his mop, so the deck is clean. I have with me the cherished magic compass passed on to me by ma mum when I was a mere kit. She knew I should have it in times of need. With it I will locate Raffy and purrsuade him by fair means and fowl (I assume he likes chicken).

Raffy has stolen my heart when I was but a mere kit, and his human mum and mine took an online class together. I swooned when I first saw his picture and his daring-do adventures. I admired the cut of his jib, and his flashy stripes too. He made pretty promises, which I know now that, living as far way from me as he does, he knew he was in no danger of having to keep. Now that I am a grown lass, and in an adventure previously described, in which this Exotic feline rescued me from certain death, I am convinced that we are meant to be together. He, being a stubborn lad, has so far resisted by running away, risking his life in fabulus adventures in this world and others. I long to be at his side and share those adventures!

With me magic compass, given to me by ma birth mum, I can locate Raffy anywhere! So woe to any pussycat who tries to keep us apart! It will be walkin’ the plank for ‘em!

I have him in me sights now and the race is on!

(Oooooooohhhhh it’s the purrate life fur me!)

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr me hearties!Looks like Ol’ Cap’n Raffy has given Miss Ruby the slip (it looks better on her)!At least fur the time being!I made fur the cat litter plantations of Cuba and laid in a supply of the best that mousies can buy.(Bet you didn’t know it grows on trees!Gotta think inside the box!I get in trouble if it’s outside… )Littera  Cubana mas Fina!Caught me a fine Spanish treasure ship off of St.Kittens (wonder how many leagues I’ll get to the galleon?)

Now I’m off fur fair Brazil,where the nuts come from (and to where quite a few head at Carnival).Hear they got a mountain made of sugar!Go great with me catfish tea,my favourite catatonic!Gonna get me a fake parrot there,and call her Polly Esther.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Miss Ruby has caught up with me!I didn’t know that she’s a gypsypuss!Trying to cast a spell over me!And I never been gud at speling!(Or gramar.)

I’ll have to get me ship,The Holy Catfish Mama,ready to sail furthwith!Once I can get to the Catribbean,or even better,the Purrcific,I should be safe.Going to take the Purrnama Canal route.(Hope this route canal idea works out!If she catches up with me,things could get pretty purrilous!Not to mention painful)

But I’m having trouble putting on me gear!Can anyone out there lend me a paw?Drag me outfit with yer mousie onto me,Raffy the Mighty Purrate Cat!

Then it’ll be time to heave hohoho!(Are hohohos hard to heave?I’ve never lifted one.)

This is my story, what I know and choose to divulge to set the record straight, since my good name seems to have been maligned by that purrsuasive, yet so far unattainable feline, Raffy. Meow! I want to state now kittens are not part of my life’s plan. My heart, although no longer my own, is pure and innocent as that of a newborn kitten.

I was born to my mum, Loralyn’s Calypso, a flashy but good-hearted gypsypuss. Loralyn was my sweet, human mom’s cattery. I was named Ruby Tuesday, a true jewel, if not born on a Tuesday. Calypso Mum would purr soft gypsy music (sometimes more like caterwauling when she got carried away) as we watched the beautiful bay in Southern Oregon from a perch in our window.

Soon I went to a new home with a human mum who loves me, and grew up to be a fair and graceful young lady. All was well until a change, just purrchance, happened in my life. I heard tails of a far away Exotic Shorthair named Raffy. And then it happened! This famous feline saved my life, furever binding us together! Thus, it has been decreed that I am his one true purrfect love, my heart no longer my own, never to be given to another. What will happen next? Only the wise old felines know… But we will follow where destiny leads us. Oh, the adventures ahead as I purrsue the pussycat who carries my heart in his fuzzy paws!

We’ll always have Purris,my dear!

Ahhhhhh,peace fur a while! I made good my escape to Catsblanca,and have found a kindred spirit in the dainty Molly.She too is on the run from her would be swain,Lord Chumley of Rainonpuss on Thames.A dastardly dude is he!The not so knightly knight had spirited her off to his catsle without so much as a fur-thee-well!Daily this knight would puress his suit (but he never quite got out all the wrinkles),but she remained steadfastly loyal to her true love,Sir Tupper of Ware on Trent.

One dark and stormy knight (he was in a bad mood because of a batch of catfish well past its expiry date),he came crashing into her room (never did figure out how to work the handle),demanding she cede to his charms and marry him at once!She picked up a sconce…When he regained consciousness,he found her gone furever…

We spent many a happy murment together at Sham’s,playing “Kitten on the Keys”,and “Allie Cat” and “As Fur Balls Fly”…but it was not to last!Lord Chumley has tracked her down,and is even now purrsuing her!He’s on a British Shorthair flight to Catsablanca and she must hair off to purrts unknown!

Raffy Flies to the Rescue…and Wins the Heart of a Fur Maiden

Dear Diary,

When I woke up this morning,I was filled with a nameless dread that had nothing to do with the 17 mousies au catnip that I had last night.Something ominous was looming,something cat-astrophic,but I couldn’t put my paw on it.

Then I got an e-mail from Ruby Tuesday,but it feels like Friday the 13th.A feline Mata Furry!

I never should have rescued her from the clutches of that arch fiend, Siamese LeGree! He holds the mortgage on her cattery,and was demanding a purrince’s furtune in mousies!When he threatened to fur-close and send all her kittens on a one way trip over the cataracts,I had no choice.I whiskered away the furballettes to safety,but when I returned,the rotterwiler had snatched the fur Ruby and taken her fur a train ride on the Canadian Purrcific,the hard way.

Apurrently,snatching her from certain death left the wrong impurression,and now she’s infatuated with me,and will stop at nothing to lead me to the alter.But I’ve already had that opurration!

O woe is me-ow!What to do,what to do???